I'm am tired

 ... this really needs to go on my tombstone.
(which I won't have because I'm being cremated, although so were my parents and they have a grave marker where their ashes are...whatever, it's ultimately not my decision)

Welcome to my scattered mind. My mom used to say she was "scattered" and we all knew what she meant, but boy howdy, I now FULLY GET what that means. Most of the time she was extremely organized and rational, but I haven't felt either of those things in awhile. I'm just tired ALL the time.

I'm getting very concerned about my eyesight. Last night reading was practically impossible: could not get the focal length right and see the words on the page. I'm struggling again tonight with the computer screen, so I'm skipping the book. I guess I need to start listening to books, maybe even while I exercise. <gasp> I'm not in love with ANY of this!

Tomorrow, I'm heading up to Sparky's. The original plan was for me to go up after work today, but I have not been able to get my ass in gear and get stuff together and pack and for some reason starting a 'vacation' at 6:30 p.m. seems ... dumb. So I'm only staying one night, but it's going to be a busy trip. Nephew James is coming over to Sparky's too, tomorrow, and then Monday we're meeting with my angel life-insurance agent, the woman who I'm fully relying on to save my ass in financial terms going forward. 

I did manage to get All The Phone Calls done this week at last, so the ball is rolling on getting pensions and IRAs and Social Security sorted out. One thing I need to do soonish is find my marriage certificate. Or get a copy from the county court where we got married. Since Sparky currently lives in that county, this isn't that big a deal at all.

Listening to a long, multi-week deep-dive on the West Memphis Three by "The Prosecutors" which is far from cheery, but it's SO detailed that I figure I will at least know what all the hullabaloo is/was about. [I know the outline of the case of course] 

Sparky informed me last night on the phone that she's already picked up her first Rx for HRT. For some reason, this has hit me harder than anything else really has done about this whole process, for me. I can't quite parse why yet; she has tons of questions about future children and how this will impact her ability to procreate, while I'm over here going, "OMG second adolescence, nightmare, fucking hell this is going to suuuuck!" while also worrying about how this is all going to impact the search for a new job. Oh, yeah: she didn't get the lab job she applied for last month. She did go to the local Pride festivities today. I'm missing my local one because it's tomorrow, but I will be wearing my Free Mom Hugs shirt tomorrow anyway. 

I just really want to sleep really long, with no interruptions, and wake up rested and rarin' to go. This feels like something that is never going to happen again. 

I'm hoping that Sparky and I can work through our drive out East this fall while I'm there this weekend. I need to get a place to stay sorted. And we (I) have to go this fall because one of the nights I'm stopping to see a friend who's been fighting cancer for a couple of years and just got a pretty dire dx so I am running out of time to see him in any sort of healthy state. He's younger that me. This all sucks. 

Despite all the somewhat unhappy stuff in the post, I'm not sad. But I am getting angry: as I typed that previous sentence the neighbors started lighting firecrackers. I hate fireworks so much.