Wallow

It's 5:00 p.m.

I've been awake for approximately 4 hours since midnight. Frankly the only reason I have gotten out of bed is to eat and pee, and sorta washed my face.

The laundry remains piled in the living room, unwashed. Oops, no, I've got one washed from at least 10 days ago that has been sitting next to the recliner unfolded. The sheets and towels are desperately in need of changing, too.

Today is a full-scale wallow day, after a highly-charged chaotic day yesterday* that involved me driving up to Sparky's to hold her hand while she had a full-scale wallow about her 'miserable' life. Tried to get her back from the edge, called a friend to talk to her about job-hunting (he had a job suggestion on the phone he was checking on today, which is a better lead than Sparky has discovered in 5 months!), took her to dinner (OMG, Kopp's flavor-of-the-day and a grilled cheese ftw for me!), sat outside in the sunshine to eat, and then drove back home. I'm beat, bushed, spent, drained, etc.

It was/is beautiful outside: nearly 80, good porch-sitting weather, without the promised strong winds the weather folks promised us. I've been in bed.

It's probably a good thing I'm scheduled for therapy Wednesday because I'm not doing great. 

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*I was scheduled to work all day. I ended up leaving at 1, right before we opened. I did manage to get my office sorted out and some intensive "don't interrupt me!" work done while there from 8 on my own, but my departure meant having to find someone to cover as we are just barely able to staff as it is. Getting Sparky to just say "I need you to come, Mom!" was impossible. God save us from ourselves! If you need help, fucking ASK FOR IT! <---mostly directed at people in my family, and myself